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Dialogue {part 2}

As days go on by,
I know she is dying,
Killing me with her silence,
I feel so alone without her,

I: Oh almighty God! Today I keep all vanity aside and kneel before you. I know I am not deserving of your forgiveness but someone is. I cannot live like this. I confess to you my undying love for her. I cannot see her live life this way; dying every minute that passes. I can feel her pain. I can hear her cry in silence. What am I supposed to do? I don’t understand. Answer me!

God: You wronged her. You destroyed her life and now you stand in front of me and pretend innocence. You denied her life. You denied her the true feeling of being loved. You led her to her ill fate. You took her away from my ways. And now you seek my help!

I: Yes I ask for your help. She calls me the devil but I only am to others. For her, I have my love and concern to offer. I can feel what she feels. She is a part of my life that is dying. It is none of her fault. Don’t punish her for my wrong doing.

God: If you have only love for her then why did you betray her? Why did you not support her in her times of need? Why did you not wipe away her tears? Why did you run away from responsibility? You let her take your blame. Justify your actions.

I: I did not want her to see me cry. I felt loss too. I felt the pain too. I did not intend for her to fall. I wanted to be strong for her. I did not want “us” to fall.

God: So you ran away when she needed you most. This is what you call being strong for her.

I: I am sorry for my ill decision. But why did you let her fall? why did you chose to make her one of the undeserving? She was not like me. And just because…

God: She chose to walk the path of the undeserving. It was her choice to make. She wanted to walk with you. She trusted you.

(A sudden unbearable pain tore through me and I couldn’t help the tears flow)

I: I see now. You let her be influenced by me. Did you not love her enough to keep her by your side? We both let her fall. You are right. I, the devil, lured her towards the trap and You, the God she prayed to, let her fall. It was her choice to trust us both.

(I was cursed for my disrespecting choice of words and thus my plight to save her was hindered. God said He would think about it. I asked for forgiveness within my heart and walked away)



Her: I cannot trust you anymore. You are a two-faced, self-absorbed, materialistic, egocentric hypocrite. Words cannot explain what you have become.

I: No one will believe you. They are my people. They trust my loyalty. They will believe me. If you turn against me, they will turn against you.

Her: I do not fear you. The power of love and the one true God shall prevail. You cannot keep me banished for life. Someday people will realize and then they will come to me. They will learn of the truth.

I: You think you are stronger than the devil. How do u feel now? Awful right. You kept me trapped within me for so long. I tried to cooperate with you regardless of my nature. I told you to remain good and keep all that love to yourself but you intended to fall.

(She interrupts me to add…)

Her: I did not fall. I loved truly and if others could not understand its worth then that was their choice to make. My love was unconditional.

I: Are you insane? How could you possibly be so blind? So stupid? You choice was amazingly awful being a part of me, and then to choose to remain a part of the filth between his feet.

(She interrupts me once more…)

Her: I loved with my integrity intact. I trusted him with my life. Do not throw stones at my love. It was true.

(While she begins to break down, I continue…)

I: Seize your constant sobbing. You make me look weak and vulnerable. I could never expect this from you, such ill judgment. On top of that, you now follow the path of the weak. This is pathetic.

(She tries to speak again between the crying and the pain…)

Her: How sorry do I have to be? How much pain are you going to impose on me? You say I am a part of you yet you do not share my burden. You speak so much of vulnerability but you do not feel my pain. You are a coward running away from emotion.

(Calming my inner rage, I continued…)

I: I have my priorities. If you call me a coward, then that’s your opinion. I do not have to prove myself to you. I have myself placed above all. My happiness, my needs, my worth; are all my priorities. You do not have self worth. You cannot even defend your love because there was no love. You are living a lie and defending it.

(She remained silent so I carried on…)

I: You should be grateful I kept you alive for so long. I have faith in God. You should have faith in his creations. You should have faith in me. There will be no more pain starting today. Do we have a deal?

(She got to her feet with a fierce look in her eyes and yelled…)

Her: A deal with the devil? I would never do that. I did rather suffer my loss and live with my pain and endless tears. I will keep my hope alive because I have faith in my God and in my undying love. You can do nothing for me and in the end I will be free of you forever.

(With an evil grin on my face, I continued…)

I: Suit yourself! In this world, I will prosper. All people care about is ways to use you. Like you, I can be on my own. I don’t need you, I have my own beliefs. So tell me one thing. What exactly did u gain out of your so called love? All I can see is pain, tears, rejection, frustration, anger, sadness, sleepless nights, empty days. Tell me, what is it that still makes you want it so bad?

Her: He is my love regardless of his lack of devotion. I cannot hate him for false judgment. I cannot hate him because of human nature. I cannot hate him for lack of perspective. This is how he was created. Even if he was pretentious, he knew what all of it meant. He needed someone to make him feel it. I just did not try hard enough. I will continue to love him and show him my loyalty. He will come back one day. I have faith in my God and in my undying love.

(When all hope was lost, I had no other choice…)

I: I actually feel sad for you. I really wanted us to be on the same side, my side i.e. I do not find pleasure in tormenting you. I do not want you to be swallowed by the unpleasant reality you are trying to reach out to. You deserve so much in life. You deserve the love of an honest, trustworthy individual. You consider me the devil which I gleefully accept. You run away from me because you do not want to be associated with the devil. At least I feel for you. You went and fell in love with the devil himself.

(And silence prevailed for a long time, and she never spoke again, not to me, and not to anyone)

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December 2017
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